Community 4:12

Just don't give up . . .

One of my great joys this year has been leading two Enrichment Groups at Bardwell Elementary School on Mondays ---one for 6 third graders from Brian's class and one for 5 fourth graders from Erik's class.  We have done everything from writing a short story to submit to a Scholastic Book competition to learning about web search engines and internet research to studying endangered animals and historical people, places, and events.   It has been a real thrill for me to watch young minds expand over the year.

To wrap up the year, the kids in both groups really wanted to take an educational field trip somewhere.  Not being an official teacher of the school, getting transportation and approval to take the kids out of the building was a challenge, so I decided to bring the field trip to them instead.  So today, children's author and illustrater, Kevin Luthardt, came and did a two hour workshop for the 11 children I have been working with all year.  He talked about the process of writing a picture book from idea to publishing, and he shared some of his own story of becoming a writer (he even pulled out a big stack of rejection letters that he got before publishing his first book).  He taught the kids how to draw a cartoon elephant and then asked each of them to start a story by using the "story board" process.

All of the kids did a great job, but there are a couple in the group that I see brimming with potential to be writers or artists or both.  I can only pray that they are going to have some strong people in their lives encouraging them them not to give up . . . because sometimes all it takes is a couple of rejection letters or comments and potential never becomes anything more than that.

Uneasiness

Had one of my dreaded moments as a mom yesterday.  I got home from work and my 10 year old said, "Mom, I almost got beat up today."  He then proceeded to tell me about the kickball game he played afterschool and how one of the boys didn't like a play he made and the next thing he knew this boy had pushed him to the ground and was smoothering him.  Then one of Erik's friends came up to that guy and started hitting him to get him off Erik.  Thankfully my husband and some other teachers were around and things were stopped before they got out of control.  The boy that attacked Erik claimed that Erik had pushed him.  There were enough witnesses to refute that claim, but I know my son well enough to know that he might have shown a bit of an attitude or said something in a tone of voice that could have been perceived as confrontational.  Not a big deal most of the time, but to a child prone to anger or aggression, that might be all it takes to provoke a full-fledged attack.  Thankfully he could learn that lesson without serious ramifications, and I pray he learned it well.

But I am feeling really anxious today.  What if this boy, who ended up getting suspended from the after-school program, decides he wants to seek revenge?  I've not really worried about the boys playing with kids in the neighborhood, but today I'm feeling a little more apprehensive about that.  Erik seemed to be okay with it all, but I wonder if he is feeling a little more scared than usual at school today.

I know something like this could have happened in Naperville or anywhere, but there is no denying that some of the kids we see around portray a pretty rough image.  I don't want to feel afraid or uneasy living in our East Aurora home, so I hope this is a temporary feeling.  There are some great kids in the neighborhood, too, and I don't want to get blinded or jaded to that fact.

Field Trip to Springfield

Had a great day traveling with the 4th graders from Bardwell Elementary to Springfield.  The day started before 5:00 am and we didn't return until after 9:00 pm, but the kids were terrific and we saw some great places.  The Lincoln Museum was particularly impressive and interesting.  Hard to identify the wax from the real people in this picture, huh?  I guess the clothing style makes it pretty easy to identify my group from Lincoln's family, but there were some pretty impressive wax figures!

A highlight of the day for me was getting to spend some time with one of the boys from my son Erik's class who is considered a "bully" (he's not in this picture, because he refused to be associated with our group).  He had some pretty shocking things to say about his dream of growing up and recreating a genocide like the Haulocaust to wipe out all races except Puerto Ricans, and about what he was going to do with the several shot glasses he purchased from the gift shop.  But he was also the most interested of all the kids in the group in actually learning something on this trip and had a pretty amazing ability to synthesize information.  He started off the day by telling me he didn't like "white people," which I took as a warning that he was not going to be pleasant to be around.  But, we ended up having a couple of really good conversations, and I saw a softer side to him that I would guess he doesn't reveal very often.  I see two very clear and opposing possible paths for this bright young man who is obviously a leader.  I fear the one he will take is what everyone is predicting; I pray some positive relationships will step into his life and steer it the other way.

All Kids Are Our Kids

Have been reading this fascinating book.  My friend (I think I can call him that) and innovative real estate developer, Perry Bigelow gave me this book and said it would be foundational as we think about creating a community center for youth.  I think he may be right.  I'm not far into it, but it has already got me thinking about a lot of things . . . both from a ministry standpoint AND a parenting perspective.   It reveals the 40 Developmental Assets  all kids need (according to Search Institute findings) in order to thrive and be able to resist the barage of peer pressure to engage in "high risk" behaviors such as sex, drugs, alcohol, and crime.

Many of the 40 are things I would have predicted, or at least expected based on my psychology background.  But there are two so far that have really struck me.  The first is that all young people should have a regular, positive and supportive relationship with at least three adults outside of their parents.  And these relationships should be long-term.  That of course screams for the need for more mentoring programs in at-risk communities.   But, it also got me thinking about whether my own kids have that.  Since we've moved to Aurora, we spend so much of our time trying to provide that "positive adult influence" for kids in the neighborhood.  And of course our boys are involved in all those things, but that's not doing much to foster relationships with OTHER adults!  It is not as easy or automatic to find those influences in our neighborhood.  Maybe we better find some mentors for our own kids!

The second asset that struck me was that youth should be involved in 3 or more hours/week of Creative (arts, music, drama, etc.) practice or activity.  Search has also found that of the 40 developmental assets, this is the one that the highest percentage of kids lack.  That just totally reinforces my feeling that we have to get some School for the Arts programming going around here, because the kids around here are certainly not getting that at school or through private lessons!

If you work with youth, or have kids of your own, I would highly recommend this book!

A Glimpse Into Her World

I've written before about a little girl from the neighborhood that has become very special to our family.  She joins us for church, long days of play and has even become a part of many of our "family nights"--which says a lot, because we keep those pretty sacred for just our little family.  She doesn't say a lot, but always seems to love being at our house.  My favorite times have been when Erik and Brian start playing kind of rough, so she'll go and get some crayons and sit at the kitchen table with me and color while I work.  She got me a beautiful doll for Christmas, and I keep it on my dresser--which she noticed immediately.  I had never met her mom or anyone from her family, and only knew the little bit she has shared with me about life at home, which has explained a bit why she may enjoy coming to our house.

Anyway, after months of her coming into our world, she invited me into hers.  Her brother's girlfriend is having a baby, and they had a shower for her last night.  And my little friend invited me to come.  I knew it would not be the most comfortable of situations, but there was no way I was going to say no!  She told me there would be lots of kids, so I took the boys with me.  We got there about 45 minutes after it was scheduled to start, and we were the first ones there. They had just started blowing up the balloons.  Slowly others started arriving, and it was quite obvious that no one really had a clue who we were or why we were there.  I did meet the aunt that she had told me about who takes her to church on Sundays and bought her a Bible.  I probably spent an hour talking with this wonderful woman and learned so much more about my little friend and her background, and I was so thankful for this aunt in her life---who has her own remarkable story.  I did finally meet the mom, who arrived late from work and did seem to know we would be there, thankfully.  We couldn't communicate, but she was very kind.

After a few hours the mom-to-be finally arrived.  We ate, but it was obvious that the real festivities would not get going for quite some time.  The aunt whom I had hung very close to, and as far as I could tell spoke the most English, had to leave, so the boys and I decided to go then, as well.  Even though no one had really seemed to care that we were there, they were obviously surprised (and maybe offended?) that we were leaving.

My little friend popped over several times during the evening to say hello or ask if I wanted a drink or to show me her little neice she was so proud of and had told me so much about, but for the most part, I couldn't tell whether she cared that we were there or not.

But, she had invited me to share a little piece of her world, and as awkward as I felt much of the time, I would not have missed it for anything.  And I can only hope that it showed her that I want to be a part of her life.  I hope this was just the first of many times she will let me in.

What's Up With Car Fires?

A few times this year, the boys have come home and said that one of their friends told them about a car that exploded on their street.  And once or twice, we've driven by a house and seen a car that was severely charred.  I never saw anything like this in our old neighborhood, but figured it must have something to do with the cars being really old and just bursting into flames because of some malfunction (probably shows you how little I know about cars).

Well, last night about 10:00, we heard what sounded like a gun shot behind our house.  Scott looked out the window and yelled, "The house behind us is on fire!"  I picked up the phone to call 911, and he said, "Wait.  There's the firetruck and it is a car, not the house."  We know that house to be as the boys call it "a gang house."  So, now I am wondering if these car fires are some kind of gang prank?  Do they go around torching cars of rival gang members?

Anyway, the boys couldn't wait to take the dog for a walk this morning so they could go over and see the remains of the car.  Sure enough, that was about all that was left of the SUV . . . a big charred frame.  Thank goodness the flames didn't hit any homes! 

So, top that for some Saturday night excitement!

A Curiosity

There are numerous things, obviously, that are different about our lives since we moved to East Aurora.  There's one thing specifically, though, that has been a particular curiosity to me lately.  When my boys had "play dates" in Naperville, they were usually planned ahead of time and there was a designated drop off and pick up time.  It does not surprise me that things are much more spontaneous here, but I find it very interesting that parents, whom we have never really met or even spoken with--in part because of language barriers--seem to have no qualms about leaving their children with us for hours and hours.  They'll stay through meals, go places with us, and then when we go to take them home, we discover that there are no parents around, so the "play date" gets extended another couple of hours until finally a relative either shows up at our doorstep or the child will finally reach someone on the phone and we know we can take them home.  Do parents just trust us because Scott is a teacher at Bardwell, or is there just a general greater trust of people, or are they just so warn out from life, that any opportunity to send their kids away for a day or evening is a welcome break?  I know these parents all love and care about their kids, and the kids never seem worried when their parents aren't home when they say they will be, so I'm guessing it is just one of those cultural or economic differences that I don't really understand.  Fortunately, all the kids we've had over are super sweet and a real joy to have around---in fact, I often secretly hope that my kids will pick up on some of their politeness--so it hasn't felt like a burden.  But, I do wonder what we'll do if that happens and it isn't convenient for us to keep the kids longer.  Guess that's when my true heart will come through.

No More Excuses

I can't tell you how many times over the past year I have said, "I wish I could speak Spanish!"  Well, my mom got tired of hearing me say that, so she got me Rosetta Stone for Christmas.  You can design your program to focus on reading or writing or speaking or listening or any combination.  I am starting out at level 3, because I've had years of the background grammar and basics and really now just need to build my vocabulary, learn how to understand when people talk so fast, and practice speaking, so I have built my program around listening and speaking. I spent about an hour doing it yesterday, and it is definitely a challenge, but I am much more impressed with this program than I have been with the umpteen other computer based programs I've tried.  Now if I can just carve out time each day to actually do it, maybe I will finally be able to stop whining.  Probably not, but maybe I'll whine a little less!

Holiday Fun

Same tradition, new friends to share it with.  Ever since the boys were very little, a highlight of the holiday season has been making a gingerbread house.  This year we invited one of our new friends to join in the fun with us.  She'd never even decorated Christmas cookies, so we had a blast showing her the American custom of decorating a little, eating a lot, decorating a little, and eating a lot more.  We told her next time it is her turn to show us how to make something.  Tamales anyone?  I am learning that the tradition that many families around here practice is spending Christmas Eve day making tamales and lots of food and then eating a feast leading up to midnight when all the gifts get opened.  Christmas Day is spent mostly sleeping.  My boys really liked that idea . . .  staying up until midnight and opening all the gifts on Christmas Eve?!  But when does Santa come?

Worlds Collide

Had an uncomfortable experience this weekend.  We've been taking a couple of kids from Aurora with us to church in Naperville on Saturday nights.  Their parents have no interest in coming, but they sure are interested in having their kids go.  And the kids love CCC---pretty different from anything they've experienced.

This weekend we also took one of Brian's old friends from Naperville.  We had to drive him home after church on our way back to Aurora.  We drove past our old house, which our Aurora friends weren't too impressed with, but then we drove to the next subdivision over where Brian's friend lives.  I used to drive by those houses every day, but this time I felt very uncomfortable . . . almost embarrassed.  Both of the kids from Aurora got very quiet.  I saw in the rearview mirror that they were staring, almost open mouthed, out the window.  One of them said, "Mr. Strand, you used to live in THIS neighborhood?!"  They didn't say it, but I knew they were thinking, "You must be RICH!"

And we are.  We may have moved away from the neighborhood of luxurious homes, but we are still filthy rich.  As we drove back to Aurora, the little boy shared that his bike was recently stolen and that his dad said that if he saves up enough money to buy a new one, they will keep it inside in the living room so it doesn't get stolen again, since they don't have a garage to put it in.  I asked the little girl how many sisters and brothers she had, and she said, "I don't know.  My dad has kids I don't know."  And as we drove up to the pint-sized, very run-down homes that these two kids live in, I felt sick to my stomach. 

Within 20 minutes we had dropped one child off at a 5 bedroom, 3 car garage home (for a family of 4) and two others at 2 bedroom, no garage homes (for families of 6 - 7). 

Our old world and our new collided, and while the kids from both worlds played so well together, at the end of the day, they all went back to their own homes, which are worlds apart.