Community 4:12

A Curiosity

There are numerous things, obviously, that are different about our lives since we moved to East Aurora.  There's one thing specifically, though, that has been a particular curiosity to me lately.  When my boys had "play dates" in Naperville, they were usually planned ahead of time and there was a designated drop off and pick up time.  It does not surprise me that things are much more spontaneous here, but I find it very interesting that parents, whom we have never really met or even spoken with--in part because of language barriers--seem to have no qualms about leaving their children with us for hours and hours.  They'll stay through meals, go places with us, and then when we go to take them home, we discover that there are no parents around, so the "play date" gets extended another couple of hours until finally a relative either shows up at our doorstep or the child will finally reach someone on the phone and we know we can take them home.  Do parents just trust us because Scott is a teacher at Bardwell, or is there just a general greater trust of people, or are they just so warn out from life, that any opportunity to send their kids away for a day or evening is a welcome break?  I know these parents all love and care about their kids, and the kids never seem worried when their parents aren't home when they say they will be, so I'm guessing it is just one of those cultural or economic differences that I don't really understand.  Fortunately, all the kids we've had over are super sweet and a real joy to have around---in fact, I often secretly hope that my kids will pick up on some of their politeness--so it hasn't felt like a burden.  But, I do wonder what we'll do if that happens and it isn't convenient for us to keep the kids longer.  Guess that's when my true heart will come through.

No More Excuses

I can't tell you how many times over the past year I have said, "I wish I could speak Spanish!"  Well, my mom got tired of hearing me say that, so she got me Rosetta Stone for Christmas.  You can design your program to focus on reading or writing or speaking or listening or any combination.  I am starting out at level 3, because I've had years of the background grammar and basics and really now just need to build my vocabulary, learn how to understand when people talk so fast, and practice speaking, so I have built my program around listening and speaking. I spent about an hour doing it yesterday, and it is definitely a challenge, but I am much more impressed with this program than I have been with the umpteen other computer based programs I've tried.  Now if I can just carve out time each day to actually do it, maybe I will finally be able to stop whining.  Probably not, but maybe I'll whine a little less!

Holiday Fun

Same tradition, new friends to share it with.  Ever since the boys were very little, a highlight of the holiday season has been making a gingerbread house.  This year we invited one of our new friends to join in the fun with us.  She'd never even decorated Christmas cookies, so we had a blast showing her the American custom of decorating a little, eating a lot, decorating a little, and eating a lot more.  We told her next time it is her turn to show us how to make something.  Tamales anyone?  I am learning that the tradition that many families around here practice is spending Christmas Eve day making tamales and lots of food and then eating a feast leading up to midnight when all the gifts get opened.  Christmas Day is spent mostly sleeping.  My boys really liked that idea . . .  staying up until midnight and opening all the gifts on Christmas Eve?!  But when does Santa come?

Worlds Collide

Had an uncomfortable experience this weekend.  We've been taking a couple of kids from Aurora with us to church in Naperville on Saturday nights.  Their parents have no interest in coming, but they sure are interested in having their kids go.  And the kids love CCC---pretty different from anything they've experienced.

This weekend we also took one of Brian's old friends from Naperville.  We had to drive him home after church on our way back to Aurora.  We drove past our old house, which our Aurora friends weren't too impressed with, but then we drove to the next subdivision over where Brian's friend lives.  I used to drive by those houses every day, but this time I felt very uncomfortable . . . almost embarrassed.  Both of the kids from Aurora got very quiet.  I saw in the rearview mirror that they were staring, almost open mouthed, out the window.  One of them said, "Mr. Strand, you used to live in THIS neighborhood?!"  They didn't say it, but I knew they were thinking, "You must be RICH!"

And we are.  We may have moved away from the neighborhood of luxurious homes, but we are still filthy rich.  As we drove back to Aurora, the little boy shared that his bike was recently stolen and that his dad said that if he saves up enough money to buy a new one, they will keep it inside in the living room so it doesn't get stolen again, since they don't have a garage to put it in.  I asked the little girl how many sisters and brothers she had, and she said, "I don't know.  My dad has kids I don't know."  And as we drove up to the pint-sized, very run-down homes that these two kids live in, I felt sick to my stomach. 

Within 20 minutes we had dropped one child off at a 5 bedroom, 3 car garage home (for a family of 4) and two others at 2 bedroom, no garage homes (for families of 6 - 7). 

Our old world and our new collided, and while the kids from both worlds played so well together, at the end of the day, they all went back to their own homes, which are worlds apart.   

Answered Prayers

Instead of the usual "What are we thankful for" Thanksgiving discussion, we sat around the breakfast table Thanksgiving morning talking about the prayers God has answered (either how we wanted or not how we wanted) in the past year.  Here were the boys' first 5 responses:

• He didn't give us the house we prayed for that we thought we wanted.
• He gave us a house with a big yard so lots of kids could come and play.
• He made my (Brian's) shingles go away.
• He gave us the perfect dog.
• He helped us "fit in" at school and make lots of friends---even more than we had in Naperville!

A year ago I would have predicted that their top answer would have been, "He didn't answer our prayer that our house wouldn't sell so we wouldn't have to move."  MY biggest answered prayer was that the boys have found this move to be far better than they ever dreamed, and that they love their new home, neighborhood, school, and friends.

We have been blessed this year, in so many ways!

A Different Kind of Birthday

I can't believe I have a 10 year old.  Wasn't it just yesterday that I was the proud new parent of a baby boy?  I'm still a proud parent, just not such a new one anymore.

Hitting the big decade mark is a big deal, so we did something we never do for birthdays . . . had a party at one of those places that you pay a bunch of money and they tell the mom that her only job is to sit and relax.  So, thanks to a generous grandpa, we took 10 boys to play Laser Tag.  But, the whole experience was way different than anything we would have had in Naperville.

Erik decided he wanted to invite only his new Aurora friends to the party this year.  We knew enough not to send the invitations home more than a week in advance, and he decided to write "No Gifts Please" on the invitations so as not to make anyone feel they couldn't come if they couldn't bring a gift.

We heard from a friend that it would be unlikely we would get any RSVPs and that if we wanted kids to show up, we better spend the day before driving around reminding kids.  Sure enough, we didn't get any calls.  So, we spent part of a day driving around reminding kids and talking with parents that we could about the party.  My dad, who was in town for the big celebration and the one footing the bill, felt like he was on a different planet.  He couldn't believe people could function in a world that is so spur of the moment.  But, as we heard stories, he began to understand why.  One mom apologized for not calling, saying that with 10 kids things get a little crazy at her house.  Another goes to work at Taco Bell early in the morning and goes straight from there to a factory job until 11 pm.  Seven days a week. 

We made it to every house but one.  Sure enough, the next day everyone but that child showed up for the party.  Everyone met at our house and we drove them to the Fox Valley area.  Some had been to the area before, but none to the Laser Tag place.  But what a treat it was for me to watch those boys have so much fun experiencing something they had never done.  Erik said it was his best birthday ever, even though there were no gifts (well, one boy brought a lolli-pop and another a card with a $1 bill inside, and one did bring a toy car wrapped nicely and the one friend from CCC spoiled him with a Target gift card that he slipped to Erik when no one was looking so they wouldn't feel bad).

It was a great day.  And then several hours after we got home, the doorbell rang.  Outside was a little boy who hadn't been invited to the party but showed up with a gift card to K-Mart and said, "I'm here for your party."  Ouch.  Erik handled it well and came up with three options he's considering for the gift . . . give the gift card back (probably not a good cultural move we are learning), use it to buy a toy for the Christmas Gift Mart CCC will host, or use it to buy him a toy when it is his birthday.  He never even considered keeping it for himself (at least that he verbalized to us!).

A simple 10 year old birthday party, enough life lessons to last all year, and one really proud Mom.  Happy Birthday, Erik!  I love you!! 

Confirmation

Not that I need it after the last post, but there was an article in the Beacon News today that confirmed we are serving in the right place.  It included a chart comparing the demographics of many of the school districts in the area.  Here's a link to the full chart, but with 92% of students being minorities, 68% being low-income, and 35% having limited English proficiency, East Aurora District 131 is by far the most challenged district in the area.  Download Demographics_by_District.pdf

Not So Happy Halloween

Got two pieces of not so good news today.  The boys dashed home from school after a 1/2 day and ran in yelling, "There were gun shots at school today!"  Sure enough, there was a note in their backpacks from the principal about it and click here for a link to the Beacon News release about it. 

And then I met a new neighbor who came over to tell us that his house had been broken into last night.

I've been praying for the past couple of days that it would be a peaceful Halloween around here.  Sure hope this is the last of the bad news for the day.

Sea of Leaves

I finally found something not so good about our new home in Aurora . . . it has too many trees that lose their leaves.  Hours of raking today and there is still a sea of leaves in our yard.  The rest of the family was all off at the dog park frolicking in the park leaves, while I was at home cleaning up piles of our leaves.

We gave Erik the "Lion/Beaver/Otter/Golden Retriever" assessment this weekend and learned that he is as high on the Otter scale as I am on the Beaver scale, and we've both got some Lion in us. Scott is high on the Golden Retriever and Otter scales.  Brian's too young to fully understand the questions, but I'm guessing he's pretty high on the Golden Retriever and Otter scales.  I seem to be the only one with even a hint of Beaver (Erik and Scott both shutter when they read the Beaver qualities that I value so highly---order, predictibility, organization).  Together we make a perfectly balanced person, but I need to learn how to frolic a bit and they need to learn how to clean a bit.  Maybe next weekend we can all spend the afternoon in our yard---they'll clean and I'll frolic?

Life's Hard Lessons

It's so hard as a parent to watch your kids learn life's hard lessons . . . the hard way.  Ever since we moved to Aurora, we've reminded the boys that leaving bikes or other valuable things out on the driveway is providing a temptation to people that we would rather not provide.  They've been pretty good, but as we've said, "Pretty good may not be good enough.  It only takes one time for something to get taken."  And Erik learned that the hard way yesterday.

He had done a "trade" with one of the kids in the neighborhood---he loaned Ryan his bike, and Ryan loaned Erik his skateboard for a week.  Well, Erik left for school Friday morning and forgot to put the skateboard in the garage.  Ryan came to do the trade-back Friday after school, and sure enough the skateboard was gone.

What do you do?  Let the friend keep your bike since you lost his skateboard?  Buy him a new skateboard--to the tune of $60?  Say it isn't your fault and take your bike back?  Erik's initial reaction was to do the latter (not a proud parenting moment!).  He was really angry.  Probably mostly at himself, but of course he said it was my fault, because I didn't remind him to put it away.  We all agreed that Ryan would keep the bike overnight and we would talk about the best way to handle the situation.  It didn't take long for Erik to put himself in Ryan's shoes and realize that his initial reaction wasn't the right one.  And what a great discussion we were able to have about what it means to "do the right thing, even when it's hard."  We talked about how Erik probably could get away with doing nothing, but how does that make God look when you say you love and follow Him, but then try to "get away" with stuff? 

We are still sorting out exactly how to handle this, but it will probably involve making sure Ryan gets a skateboard.  At $1/week, that could be more than a year's worth of Erik's allowance gone.  So, do we make him pay for the whole thing?  Do we make him earn the money in other ways?  Do we say, "That was the first time, so we'll cover it, but if it happens again . . . ?"  I know we need to, and will, let Erik feel the consequences of being irresponsible in one way or another.   But it's not easy as a parent to watch your kid have to learn these hard life lessons.  I guess Erik and I are both learning a hard life lesson through this.